A Life Remembered

A post from the immediate aftermath — before the obituary, before the formalities — just truth, love, and memory.

Brenda, my twin sister, passed away peacefully on Wednesday night. But I’m not the only one who mourns her. Her husband, Arne, her 3 brothers and their families, her brother-in-laws, sister-in-laws, nieces, nephews, cousins, Aunt Gertrude, extended family, friends and neighbours will all miss her dearly.

You would think that a year would be enough time to write an obituary but it turns out, it isn’t. I guess because I actually didn’t believe it. Not fully anyway. Sometimes the oncologist appointments had good news while other times, they jarred us into reality. But Brenda’s spirit brought you along this wonderful belief that she just might beat all the odds or at the very least last much longer than expected. She absolutely lived this way every single day. Today is going to be a good day. And until she was proven wrong, she believed it. Once in awhile, when the pain was unrelenting, she found it tough to go on. But go on she did. Her spirit was indomitable.

She went on this journey of gratitude. She could have said, why me? But she didn’t. She accelerated her life’s dream of writing and publishing a book. She found joy in the small things in life. She would look out any window in her home and see nature at its best. Life was good, she would say.

And through this she learned to lean on others. Not something that came naturally to her but she knew when she was diagnosed with this dreaded disease she would need help. Sometimes though I felt that she helped us more. Typical Brenda.

She’s leaving a big hole in our family. I told her that too. I personally feel very blessed to have had this time with Brenda. It’s funny, you think you will always be nice to her and never fight or argue with her again. But fight and argue we did. And we did what we have always done - we moved on. We said what we needed to say and then it was over. We moved onto the business of being twin sisters, friends and confidants. Irreplaceable.

I know I’m not alone in my grief. Arne, my brothers and everyone Brenda touched is heartbroken. This I know. We all loved Brenda and will miss her beyond words.

I will let you know once we have finalized the plans so that we may all come together to share in our collective grief and joy in knowing Brenda.