Childhood be crazy

Childhood logic gone sideways—one story at a time.

I’d like to share 3 rather unusual childhood experiences of mine. They’re kinda embarrassing but I’m game if you are. I’m so brave, aren’t I? Or Crazy? You decide.

1) Girls can’t join a boys’ club. Crazy, right?

Leonard, who was a couple of years older than me, and a big guy, made a tree fort in his backyard. It was the coolest thing I’d ever seen. He wasn’t really cool himself, but that tree fort was awesome. Tarps over the top of it and multi-coloured blankets on the sides, hiding whatever magical things were in there. It filled me with excitement. I’d heard the rumours that it was a boys only club, but I was a tomboy, so I figured that was good enough. Never occurred to me he wouldn’t see it that way. Before I can start climbing the ladder, he yells at me, it’s for boys only. What? That’s messed up. Even at 9, I knew it was all kinds of wrong. I wanted in that tree fort! Who did he think he was? I’ll just climb the tree from the back. But damned if he didn’t shoo me away. This club is not for girls, he yells. You don’t get to tell me I can’t be part of YOUR club. I don’t care if it’s in YOUR tree situated in YOUR backyard, and YOU made it. Doesn’t matter. I want in!!!! What was I going to do? He wasn’t listening to reason. And he was too big for me to take on. Trust me, I thought about it. I know - Mom will make it all better. She fought for our rights all the time. So, I ran home, crying of course, because that way she’ll see my utter disappointment and work her magic. I was pleading with her, through my tears, to tell Leonard to let me in his club. Nope! No? Did you just say No? She says, he has every right to do what he wants with his own club. Wait, what? Is that true?

2) Girls can’t be 8 years old. Crazy, right?

How does a girl become 9 years old if she can’t be 8. I was 7 at the time. I believed only boys could be 8, not girls. I do not know where that came from, but it gave me some sleepless nights. Don’t judge me.

3) Woody Woodpecker is not real. Crazy, right?

Tom bursts into the house, with Brenda close behind, both excitedly shouting about a woodpecker in the backyard. Say what?? You saw Woody Woodpecker in the backyard? Oh, my gosh, I race outside to find him. And I’m getting mad because I can’t see him anywhere. Where’s Woody, where’s Woody, I’m yelling? Show me where he is? I don’t know how old I was, but I really would prefer to think that I was really, really young. I know Brenda’s my twin and she clearly knew it was a woodpecker and not Woody Woodpecker, but I have a couple of theories on that. First, she was with her older brother, who pointed out the woodpecker. So she knew instantly that it wasn’t Woody. But let’s say for a split second that she herself wondered where the real Woody was, well Brenda would have figured it out really quickly and never embarrassed herself by asking. So, there’s that. Also, Brenda was always just a wee bit more mature than me. Or maybe a lot more mature. Either explanation works for me.

And people have wondered why I never went to University. Wonder no more!!

Do you have an embarrassing or weird or crazy story you’d like to share? Don’t leave me hanging out here all by myself, guys.