Fishies Go Away

Before cell phones, indoor plumbing, or common sense—there were fishies, dentures, and near-death laughter.

I want to tell you a story about how Brenda almost drowned us.

She could be so funny, especially when she wasn’t trying, which always made me laugh even more.

So, here’s the story. And it happened not once, not twice, but often. You would think we would learn and not put ourselves in harm’s way, but we were teenagers, so we just kept doing it. I think, so I could one day tell this story.

Our Aunt and Uncle had a cottage at Blue Lake in the Laurentians. It was a small cottage my uncle built. We loved it there. There was no electricity, and we had to use the outhouse, which stunk like crazy, but it was an adventure to go in the dark with a flashlight. Eventually, of course, they got electricity and an indoor toilet, which truth be told, I kinda preferred even though I did like using the flashlight in the dark.

We spent most days at the beach, which was about a 10-minute walk from the cottage. Mom and Dad would drive, but we’d go cross-country through all the bushes and trees to get to the lake. That was an adventure all on its own. Good times.

We were all water babies, so the lake didn’t scare us, even though it was treacherously deep. And we enjoyed swimming out as far as we could. Why not, right?

Well, a good reason not to do that with Brenda is because she would make you laugh so hard that you would almost drown. And what was so freaking funny? Well, my ridiculous sister was afraid of fish. I know, I know, but that was Brenda. She was also afraid of worms and so I used to chase her around the neighborhood, throwing worms at her. But that’s a story for another day. Today it’s about her fear of fish.

As if any fish were going to come around us and start nibbling on us. But that’s what she thought. So, what would she do? Start yelling, Fishies go away! Fishies go away!

Oh.My.Gosh.

I could not stop laughing.

And I would tell her to stop, otherwise I was going to drown because I couldn’t laugh and keep afloat at the same time. But she wouldn’t. She convinced herself that she could scare the fishies off.

Stop it, Brenda!!

Or we’ll both drown.

She was almost drowning too from screaming Fishies to go away! And laughing at the same time. All the while kicking her feet at the imaginary fishies.

But she wouldn’t shut the heck up. Sidebar: if I swore back then you can well imagine what I would have said instead of ‘shut the heck up’, right??!!

Oh.My.Gosh.

Stop it!!

And I’m trying to be stern with her, but I’m laughing too hard. And the more I laughed, the more she would say, Fishies go away! Fishies go away!

We were way out in the middle of this big, deep lake. The shore felt like miles away.

Oh.My.Gosh.

Stop!!!

How we both didn’t drown escapes me.

And guess what we would do the next day? The same freaking thing.

Fishies go away! Fishies go away!

But there was one day in particular that had us laughing hysterically. I had to get away from her and started heading to the shore, otherwise I’m sure we both would have drowned. Because the more I laughed, the more she laughed and kept saying Fishies go away! Fishies go away!

Oh.My.Gosh.

But why was this time even worse? Well, my Uncle Joe lost his dentures in the lake earlier that day. So, how is that funny? Well, it's just funny. But not for the reason you think.

She started saying that one of the fishies now had Uncle Joe’s dentures and is now going to bite her using his dentures.

Oh.My.Gosh.

Brenda shut up!! Stop talking!! We are going to drown because of your nonsense. But she couldn’t stop herself.

Ok, now we are in big trouble because we are out-of-control laughing and almost drowning and no one on shore even notices us. How we didn’t drown still escapes me.

So, Brenda, usually the more responsible one, wouldn’t stop or couldn’t stop, so I started trying to swim back to shore. I needed to get away from her, otherwise we were both going to go down laughing. I thought that if I wasn’t laughing, she would stop. But it was hard because all I could imagine were these fishies with Uncle Joe’s teeth.

Fishies go away! Fishies go away!