How Lucky Am I?

This one’s a little more personal.

It poured out of me last night when I was deep in the thick of feeling feelings — you know, that swirling mix of gratitude and joy, sadness and longing.

Maybe you’ll see yourself in it. Maybe you won’t.

But I hope it reminds you of the people who hold you up when life gets heavy.

Sometimes I forget just how lucky I am — until I’m reminded.

I have some in-town friends, some out-of-town but close-enough-to-visit friends, and others too far away to see–but boy, can we chat. I have new’ish friends. And acquaintances whom I touch base with from-time-to-time. And the friends I don’t talk to often but who are still very much part of my world.

How lucky am I to have such interesting, caring people in my life?

Each one of you brings something different to our relationship. Whether it’s a surprise message just when I need it, a belly laugh that lingers, or a bit of wisdom (or a lot of wisdom) I didn’t know I needed — you’ve all left your mark in beautiful ways. And often in unexpected ways.

How lucky am I?

I am blessed to have such kind-hearted, warm, funny, wise, loveable people in my life.

I’m not sure what I did to deserve it, but I hope I keep doing it — whatever it is.

How lucky am I?

Life is funny, don’t you think? I’ve always been someone who listens to others. A lot. I know, I know — I talk a lot too. But I think you all know me as a good listener. I’ve always believed people have interesting, sometimes even important, things to say — things that end up teaching me what I didn’t even know I needed to learn. Everyone comes from a different perspective — and because of you, my understanding of people and the world just keeps expanding.

How lucky am I?

So what got me thinking about all this? I read somewhere that you shouldn’t have more than one friend – maybe two at the most. Because friendships take a lot of work. They need nurturing.

While I understand this, I wouldn’t know how to whittle down my list. Who would I cut out? You? Or maybe you? No, not you! You see my dilemma?

I adore my friends. And I need my friends.

How lucky am I?

When Bren was sick, and especially after she passed, I found myself wanting to be alone more than usual. Keeping in touch felt like a lot of work. I just didn’t have the bandwidth.

And just as I was starting to notice my world again — Barry’s cancer worsened. It’s now metastasized to his bones. He won’t get better. Our hope is that the medications can slow its progress.

So, if I’ve been quiet, just know I’m still here. Still lucky. Still loving you all — maybe even more than ever.

How lucky am I?

But it’s hard to keep an open heart and mind when life keeps changing — rapidly. I find myself wishing it hadn’t changed in the first place. Wishing it wasn’t going to change even more. But I know that’s not possible.

I’ve always embraced change. I would even seek it out. But these changes are tougher and unwelcome.

I’ll admit it makes me angry some days. Other days, I feel sad. I always feel tired–tired of it all. Yet on those calmer days - I feel blessed. In all this chaos and sadness and grief and uncertainty, there are people waiting in the wings to offer help, a shoulder to cry on, an ear to listen, a laugh. Whatever I need.

How lucky am I?

And there are times when tiny, minuscule aha moments manage to show themselves through all of this. Which has changed me in ways I could never have imagined.

How lucky am I?

Not every day do I feel lucky. Not every day do I feel blessed. Not every day do I feel grateful. But what I do feel every day is something. And that’s a lot better than nothing. I feel something every.single.day. Whether it’s anger, sadness, fed-up-ness or joy and happiness. No day is perfect but there are moments in each day that show me that life will be ok. You, Debbie Dunne, will be ok.

How lucky am I?

And just so you know, if I’ve communicated with you by phone, in person, through email or messenger - whatever the mode of communication has been, however brief, just know that I remember you and am grateful for all the kindness you have shown me.

How lucky am I, Debbie Dunne? Very lucky I would say!