Old Biddy
Early bird gets insulted.
Who knew that a friendly chat in the grocery aisle would end with me being labeled an old biddy?
For this story, I will not be very charitable—so forewarned is forearmed.
I’m in Denningers, the gourmet grocery store, early this morning to beat the crowd. Ha! Like that was ever going to happen. I’ll bet people were lining up at 7:30 for the 8am opening.
By 8:30, the place was bustling. I almost collided with a woman, so I said to her, “I thought I’d get here early enough to beat the crowd, but it looks like I didn’t make it.”
She leaned in conspiratorially and whispered, “You know why it’s busy? It’s because us old biddies are here early.”
“You realize you just insulted me, right?” I said, while my mental bubble added, Did you think that was a compliment disguised as humor?
“Well, we are old!” she chirped. It’s almost like she read my bubble.
“I know I look younger than I am,” she continues. “I just turned 65!”
My bubble almost burst: 65? Sweetheart, your calendar is more fiction than fact!
It’s a good thing I can’t be face-slapped for the little bubbles swirling in my head because here’s another: Who in their right mind goes out with matted hair? Are you mad? Makeup? Optional. Matted hair? Madness!
So what did I do? I gave her the stink eye, of course. Acting on those bubble thoughts would’ve earned me a real slap, and let’s face it—I’d rather share this on Facebook than risk that. I may be old, but I’m not stupid!” And for the record, I’m not an old biddy!!!!