Thrift Store Take-Down

A pretty town, a tiny thrift shop, and one very tall woman with a sharp tongue. What could go wrong?

She was taller, prettier, slimmer, younger (by at least 20 years). And because I don’t discriminate—I decided to engage her.

BIG mistake. HUGE mistake.

A few years ago, we were in Perth which we like to call pretty Perth because it’s just that - pretty. And oh so friendly.

Well, that was until I met HER.

At a thrift store, no less. It was a small space that you can’t help but keep bumping into the same person—which I thought was kinda funny. I don’t quite know what’s particularly funny about that, but, it could be funny—if you squinted your eyes hard enough.

After about the third bump-into, I decided to say something funny. Because, you know, I’m funny. So, I said to this beautiful, very tall woman: Try not to pick up what I’m looking at or I’ll have to fight you for it.

Oh-oh. Here it comes. Brace yourself. She looks me up and down (which doesn’t take long—I’m only 5’ tall and she’s the tallest in the land) and says, in a most derisive way: We are DEFINITELY not looking at the same things. Trust me!

Wait, did that just happen?

Clearly, she was insulted. I could read her mind: How dare you assume we might like the same clothes! The rest of what she was thinking is too mean for me to repeat.

And one more thing—was it so important for her to say the TRUST ME part??!! I mean…really.

I insult her. Then she insults me. But here’s the difference—I didn’t mean to insult her; it was a tongue-in-cheek comment. She, on the other hand, clearly meant to insult me. Not nice!

Not all my jokes land. That’s for sure.

I think there’s a possibility that she missed my humour because she was so bloody tall I was basically speaking to her belly button—which, as we all know, doesn’t have ears.

More importantly, who thought someone so beautiful could land such a punch? Probably everyone.

But you know, I didn’t discriminate. I engaged her anyway.

My bad.