Volume One: Litterbug Justice

A Trashy Crime. A Balcony Sleuth. A Win for Cleanliness.

It may seem to some of you as though I don’t have a big life. Because it’s all centered around my little world of going grocery shopping and being at the ballpark with our grandchildren. And of course watching the goings on in our parking lot behind our building.

But I really do have a life. I swear! I challenge any of you to have a more interesting life than me!!! Ok I heard it too - I went a bit too far there didn’t I??

I’m participating in life from eight floors up - can you say the same?? And if you can, I don’t want to hear about it. You see, that would just upset me.

‘Deb, look at this woman trying to fit huge chair cushions into the already full garbage bin.’ I rushed to the kitchen window, because, you know, I have nothing else to do. And I like watching crazies.

It was quite entertaining to watch her try. She eventually managed it. I don’t know how it will work when Mr. Garbage Man comes but that’s for another day (and possibly story).

She has the front driver's door open and the back passenger door. And the trunk of her car. The last thing she takes out of her back seat is a walker. And I thought – no you don’t - that for sure won’t fit in that garbage bin.

You see, I am the parking lot monitor. And if you didn’t think so before, you sure as hell will in a minute or two.

Why?

Well, there’s a blue plastic bag attached to the wheel of the walker. And what does she do before putting the walker in the trunk of her car?

Yup, you guessed it – she takes it off and just throws it on the ground.

Are you freaking kidding me? I had been wondering if she even lived here? Maybe she just lives in the neighborhood and wanted to use our bins. How dare she, right?

So what do I do? I know you already know the answer to this one.

I flew out of the kitchen–into the living room–and onto the balcony. Yup, I’m gonna scream at her if she doesn’t pick it up. You know I will.

And now I’m on the 8th floor so I have to yell pretty loudly. But I can do that - no problem!!

I don’t say anything quite yet – she has closed the trunk. Now she’s closing the back door. And unbelievably she was about to get into her car to drive away.

Not on my watch lady!!!

‘Hey! Hey! Hello!’ She keeps looking around wondering if that’s for her. Yes, I’m yelling at you–you–you–litterbug, I say to myself.

I start waving and yelling ‘Hello – up here’.

She looks up and I yell down - ‘Can you pick up your garbage please.’ You big litterbug (of course we all know I didn’t say that last part).

‘Oh, I didn’t notice it’ as she runs after the plastic bag.

Really?? I mean really? Do you think I look stupid? Oh wait a minute - she can’t really see me that well. But she’s afraid of me! I could smell her fear all the way up here. And that made me happy. Very happy.

Truth be told I have no idea what I would have done if she didn’t pick it up.

I gotta say – it’s kinda fun being a parking lot monitor.

I’m pretty famous in these here parts, you know!! Not to brag but my beady eyes caught some thieves red handed, sort of. But that’s a story for another day.

My balcony is my command post, don’t you know.

Yeah, laugh all you want — but this nosy lady gets results.

Stay tuned for Volume Two — because this balcony isn’t just for fun and games. This is a serious balcony. Wonder Woman meets Mrs. Kravitz.